(Almost) 41 weeks, going on forever

Disclaimer: this post is ridiculous. I know. So you're warned. 

I know it's only Wednesday, and I'm not 41 weeks until Friday, but I'm trying (in vain) to mentally prepare myself for actually making it to that point.

There are no guesstimated stats for Sea Monkey at this point. Apparently all the sources with any level of knowledge on the subject of fetal development don't care about the large number of women who go past their due dates. Jerks. On Babycenter's timeline, I hit 40 weeks and it told me I had a newborn. Liars. 

I'm having one heck of a hard time dealing with this "still pregnant" thing. I really tried to prepare myself, thinking that it's very likely that I'd go to 41 weeks. I told myself that 41 weeks is the average over and over months ago, but then as soon as we hit "term"... all that flew out the window and I've been a bit of a disaster. I was hoping I'd go earlier. Because 41 weeks is an average, so there are births before and after that to balance things out, and hopefully I'd be one of the ones before.

Nope.

I'm convinced I will be pregnant forever. I'll join a carnival freak show, because if I'm going to be pregnant forever, I may as well make money off of it. I'll be on the news and be famous for a bit and people will point and stare at me. I'll use my earnings from the carnival to buy a bed that I can sleep in comfortably, so my hips won't hurt me forever. It'll be fun to go out in public; people who haven't watched the news or something will ask when I'm due and I'll say "Oh, September 3rd. Of last year. I've been pregnant for a year and a half now. I'm trying to beat out an elephant's gestation." And then their eyes will bug out and I'll waddle off. I'll probably need a wheelbarrow by that point to hold my belly up.... maybe the carnival freak show will provide one for me.

That's what's going to happen. I just know it. Your logic and reason can't convince me otherwise. It'll happen. I'll be a medical marvel. Just you wait.

I keep having episodes of prodromal/false labor. I'll get contractions as close as 2-3 minutes apart, lasting 40-50 seconds, I'll get all excited and think "this might just be it!" and then  Zach updates the facebook page, and then... it all peters out. And then I get depressed. This is not cool. Not cool at all.

We had an appointment yesterday. Still doing well. Val goes by the earlier of my due dates, on the off chance that I ovulated earlier than normal (I decided to stop tracking it that month, since it was stressing me out). It's just a precaution. Anyway, by the earlier of my due dates, I'll be 42 weeks on Sunday. If I'm still pregnant, we'll start fetal monitoring. She's faxing my info to a doctor with a birthing mindset more similar to hers [Val's] than most doctors. They're supposed to call me to set up an appointment. So if I make it to Monday, and I'm positive I will, since I will be pregnant forever, I'll have to go in for the monitoring to make sure Sea Monkey is still doing well. Val didn't specify what the monitoring will be, but I know they usually do non-stress tests and/or biophysical profiles. I don't know too much about them, but they're basically checking to make sure that Sea Monkey's heart rate is still good, s/he has enough amniotic fluid, etc. And if the results of those are good, we're fine to continue on. Forever.

So in addition to my future career as a freak-show carnie, I'll be spending lots and lots of time going in for testing. That will be my life. It shall be ridiculous.

At some point in this never-ending pregnancy, I'm sure we'll find out what the baby is. So we can name him/her. Unless we really want to be crazy. But I think the stress of the fact that my pregnancy is never going to end will be enough without the thought of never finding out what this kid is.

Oh, the melodrama.

I know this post is ridiculous, and at some point I'll look back at this and roll my eyes (....ok, so I'm doing that now, too), but being overly dramatic and ridiculous is apparently helping me cope a bit with the fact that I'm past both of my due dates.

I'll post a belly picture on Friday. When I'm actually 41 weeks. I suppose I'll stop the belly pictures and weekly updates sometime soon, because by the time I get to 53 weeks pregnant, it'll just be too ridiculous to continue. And I don't think my massive belly will fit in the picture anymore.


And that's quite enough of the ridiculous moping, I'd say. I'm going to go clean my bathroom. Not that it particularly needs it, but I need to do something to pass the time. So I'm going to go scrub out my bathtub. Again.