9 weeks.

Only a few more weeks until I'm in the 2nd trimester! That's exciting. I know things can still happen in the 2nd trimester, but it's much less likely. It'll be such a relief to get there!

In good news, my first actual appointment is Tuesday! =) I'm excited.

Oh, and it's taken me about an hour to eat an apple. I used our little slicer thing and it's just taking me forever to eat it... I don't want to eat it... but I need to eat something. Sea Monkey demands food. And I don't want to eat. But then I feel sick, and it's reassuring. I know I need to eat, but the thought of it makes me feel sick, which makes me happy. =)

Speaking of food, I've started making a list of things to get the next time I go grocery shopping. I have a list of protein rich foods to be eating, so I'll be getting a lot of those. Yay.

Zach and I have figured out a budget to pay for everything- prenatal care, baby stuff, plus all our other expenses. I feel really good having it all planned out. Things are going to be tight, but that's only if our income stays the same, which we aren't expecting. Zach has some business things in the works and we should start seeing money from them in 5-6 weeks. Which would be great! It would make things less tight and if something else broke on the car, we'd be able to fix it, no worries.

Anyway, week 9 means Sea Monkey is the size of a grape. And my uterus is about the size of grapefruit (having started at pear size). I think if I poke around just right, I can feel it. Someone said it feels like a softball, and I think I feel it. Which is cool.

That's all the updates for now. Can't wait for Tuesday!

First Appointment

Today was my first appointment. It wasn't very exciting, we just met with the midwives, went over some paperwork. Zach and I filled out the packet of questions and information and stuff last night, and somewhere in the stack, it said to bring in a list of everything I've eaten in the past 6 days. I could only remember back until Friday, so I had a list of 5 days (is it weird that I remember in detail everything I ate for the past few days?). Anyway, Ivy checked it over, gave me a few suggestions (more protein, and LOTS more food!). Ivy checked my blood pressure (116/68, I have no idea what it means, but Ivy said it couldn't be more perfect!). We met Val, who's an RN and nurse midwife; and she's gong to be our primary midwife. And we set up an actual appointment for next Tuesday at 11. I'm supposed to really increase my protein intake (Ivy gave me a couple print outs on protein-packed foods and good eating habits, etc).

Next week will hopefully have an exciting post. We may try and hear the heartbeat with the doppler; I'll be 9 1/2 weeks then. We'll see. =)

Oh, that's another thing. I mentioned that I was so nervous about another miscarriage, and Ivy told me to just put my feet on the ground, breathe, and think "my body is smart." And it is. My body was made to have a baby. I just need to relax. =)

So I'm really excited for my actual appointment next Tuesday. =)

Rainy Day

I took Zach to work this morning. We only have 1 car that's really road-worthy and insured, so usually when Zach goes to work, I'm stuck at the house until he gets home. The city we live in has a great public transit system, but the nearest stop is 3 miles away and there are NO sidewalks to get there. I've never felt ambitious enough to walk on the side of the most dangerous, car-accident prone road in the city for 3 miles just to get to the bus stop. So on the rare occasion that I need the car, I take him to work, go have lunch with him, and pick him up. And that's what I did today. Woke up several hours earlier than normal, knew the day was doomed because of the severity of my nausea (woohoo!), blearily got ready and everything. When I got back home, I collapsed into bed and did nothing but browse the internet until lunchtime and feel super nauseous. Had lunch with Zach, felt nauseous, came home, felt nauseous, collapsed into bed again, and accidentally took a 3 hour nap. But it was glorious! I think the best naps are the unintentional kind, because you know you really need the sleep and sleep really well if you don't mean to fall asleep. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it is what it is.

So after that fantastic nap, I'm still tired. And I don't mind one bit. I'm not a fan of being so nauseous, but it's so reassuring to know that I still have symptoms, so, at least for now, I'm still pregnant.

8 weeks tomorrow (Friday). First midwife appointment on Tuesday. Woohoo! C'mon, Sea Monkey!

Secrets

It's rough keeping a pregnancy secret! Zach and I decided to only tell our parents and housemates (and you BBC ladies) about this pregnancy. With our first pregnancy, we told everyone. We announced it on facebook, told all our friends, called all of our siblings, grandparents, everybody. And we lost that baby and on top of the pain of that, we had to tell everyone about it. This time, we figured we'd tell a few people, and if the worst happens again, it's only a few people we need to tell again, and we can tell others who are close to us about it. And then we won't have awkward encounters with people who hadn't heard yet.

But I'm just so excited, I want to say things on facebook about this baby. We're having some friends over for dinner on Friday and I want to be able to tell them that I'm pregnant and celebrate and be merry. But at the same time I'm afraid to tell people in case we lose Sea Monkey. It's a hard place to be in, and a few months ago I was so eager to be in this position. Now I am, and I'm incredibly grateful to be pregnant, but still so scared and anxious.

I'm 7 1/2 weeks. Only a month to go until the 2nd trimester. Maybe if things are going well then, we'll announce it. But I still sort of want to wait until I'm feeling movement, just to be sure. We may just ease into it; tell more friends and family when/if we hit the 2nd trimester, and do the facebook thing later. Which means sometime in April. Maybe we'll announce it on Zach's birthday (April 10). I'd be between 14 and 15 weeks then... Probably won't be feeling movement yet.... I don't know. I'm rambling. I'm going to go clean the bathroom. Woohoo! (and no worries, not going to use nasty cleaners with bad fumes; I use homemade, natural cleaning stuffs).

A funny story

I'm not really planning on updating this daily... I just like to ramble. =)

I don't think I've mentioned this, but my first appointment is the 26th! I'm excited. I'll be 8 1/2 weeks (...if?). We're going the midwife route. I'm really excited.

I had my first bit of strong nausea today! I was so excited! I've had this issue with food today... I had a sliced apple with peanut butter for breakfast. It tasted great, but about 30 minutes later.... I decided food was bad. Really bad. When the nausea from that finally subsided, I thought cheese sounded really good. And shortly after finishing it, I was feeling pretty horrible. And so on.

But here's the funny story:

Tonight I was feeling like I might actually throw up, so I was sort of just laying on the toilet, had my arm draped over the side and everything, dry heaving a bit. And then my cat, Mali, came in. Mali has an obsession with the toilet after it's been flushed; she likes to brace her front paws on the seat and peek in and watch the water flowing (when she was little, she would jump up on the seat and sometimes nearly fall in). So I'm hovering over the toilet (I had used the toilet right before this, so water was still running), and Mali comes in, stands up on her hind legs, puts her front paws on my arm and peeks over into the toilet bowl. I cracked up. I don't know why, it was just so silly that I was there thinking about throwing up and Mali pops up like "whatcha doin?"

Am I hungry or nauseous?

I just can't tell. I kind of feel like I want to eat, but the thought of actually doing it makes my stomach thrash a bit. But a piece of birthday cake sounds soooo good. And at the same time, horrible and nauseating.

Ah, I love this. =)

I used to be a complete night owl. 2 AM was a normal bed time for me (it was 3-4 AM, but I worked myself into going to bed earlier). It's currently 9:10 PM and I've been half asleep for the past hour. In addition to the super-early bedtimes, I've been regularly sleeping for 10 hours a night, plus taking a brief nap in the afternoons.

I seriously love this.

I'm not being sarcastic at all. I'm thrilled to have symptoms and little things that help me know I'm actually pregnant. With my first pregnancy, I had hardly any symptoms. I had 30-second bouts of nausea every so often, and for the first week or so, my boobs were sore, but that was it. And that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. So I'm praying, praying, praying, that the fatigue and hunger/nausea is a good sign.

I'm so thrilled to be pregnant. Even if my pants are already feeling tight (and I haven't even put on any weight!).

How do women do this??

I'm going crazy. The one definite symptom I've had is breast soreness/tenderness. So I've become a compulsive boob poker. Every few minutes, I ever so sneakily reach up and test to see if they're still sore. Sometimes they are (usually at night), sometimes they aren't (usually the mornings). When they aren't, I start to panic, and try to remember that symptoms come and go and just because they're not sore at the moment doesn't mean everything is going to come crashing down around me. I think I've tested for soreness four times just while typing this.

How on earth do women who've had previous miscarriages not go completely crazy when they're pregnant again?

I've been on such an emotional rollercoaster with this pregnancy lately. I go from being fairly positive that Sea Monkey is going to make it to absolutely convinced that I'm going to miscarry or Sea Monkey will be stillborn or any other number of things will go wrong. And then I sigh because I really have no idea either way and want to cry because this is just ridiculous.

I'm trying so hard to just hand it over to God and have faith that it's all under control, but it's so hard to keep that in mind.

I can't wait to start feeling the baby move... and I can't help but add "if we get there."

Birthday Nausea

So I'm just over 6 weeks. I've had some nausea off and on for the last week or so, but today it seems to be getting more severe and more frequent. I'm ok with that. Today's my 23rd birthday, and I kind of hope I throw up. Weird, but I never threw up with my first pregnancy. Never had much nausea in the first one, either, so... I'm praying so hard that things are different this time.

I'm having this odd disconnect sort of thing. I'm subscribed to BabyCenter's week-by-week pregnancy update thing. I got my first email today, but I'm really afraid to open it and read what's going on developmentally with Sea Monkey. With my first pregnancy, I was so eager to open each and every email, and I'd read it 3 or 4 times a week, relishing what should have been going on. That all came crashing down on me, and I feel like I need to do things differently this time. Like maybe if I don't read the emails, I'll get to keep this baby. Maybe if I don't announce it on facebook, Sea Monkey will stay with us. And it goes on. I know there's nothing I can do, and it doesn't really make sense, but that doesn't stop my scared-self from trying to do everything differently this time, and pray for a different and better result.

I'm madly in love with Sea Monkey already. Zach bought Sea Monkey's first stuffed animal yesterday. It's a little teddy bear with a green bow around its neck with "My First Bear" written on its stomach. He went into WalMart last night while I was waiting in the car (the battery died due to cold yesterday morning; I stayed so we wouldn't have to worry about jumping it) and presented it to me when he got in the car- I totally cried when I saw the "My First Bear." I put it on my nightstand, where I can see it before I go to bed and when I wake up. It's really cute. Here's a picture.

It's Official!

Well, I'm definitely pregnant!

I took the test this morning. Washed my eyes free of sleep-gunk for a quick second, put my glasses back on, and looked at the test and it was already a blaring positive, not even 30 seconds after I had done it. I was so excited; I ran into the bedroom, grabbed my camera, took a picture (you can still see the pink running across the test), took a picture on my phone; sent it to Zach. I'm all smiles. Terrified of having another miscarriage, but I'm so happy right now. I'm going to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy that God lets me have. I'll be happy to throw up. After 8 months of trying, I'm finally pregnant, and I'm going to enjoy it!

The Beginning!

Several months ago, Zach and I were talking about what nickname we would give our next baby. With my first pregnancy, we had decided to call the baby Little One, which would go on to be the child's nickname later on (and then I found out it was an exceedingly common term). Little One went straight to heaven in April 2009, when I was 11 weeks pregnant. So we had been thinking and finally decided on Sea Monkey. I don't know why. I think I suggested it because it made me laugh. And Zach liked it. So Sea Monkey it is.

That was in June 2009. It's now January 2010, and I think, finally, we might get to use that little nickname that made us laugh. We won't be finding out the sex of any of our babies until they're born, and we won't even be deciding on names until we meet them, which is why we needed a nickname.

I'm currently 11 or 12 days late for my period. That's a fairly obvious sign of pregnancy. If I am indeed pregnant, I'm between 5 and 6 weeks.

A brief rundown of my symptoms (both so I have a record for future pregnancies and so you can all feel sorry for me-- kidding!): the late period, my breasts are sore and have been off and on for the last 3 weeks, I'm having random bouts of nausea, I'm going to the bathroom a bit more than normal (I'm also drinking a lot more water, though), I'm super hungry, and I've been falling asleep nearly 2 hours before my normal bedtime. I've also had a cold for the past few days, but I don't think that's symptom related.

There we go. That's the beginning of what will hopefully be a happy, healthy 9 months.

Testing on January 9th (my birthday!). Praying for a big, beautiful positive!!